i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize