dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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