It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
