8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Screwed.edu
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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