My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
