she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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