I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
