Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
God I need to hump something, right now.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize