this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize