5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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