im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
