Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
