worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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