I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
