YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
