just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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