I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize