took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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