Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
