He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
