good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
