sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
