that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
