Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize