Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
