bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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