I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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