We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
