He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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