Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
