I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I checked into jail on foursquare
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize