it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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