Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
