Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
