When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
