oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
