I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize