You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
