im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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