There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
