Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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