Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
