i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
