nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
