Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
