I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
