Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
