I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
