yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
