You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
