I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
