Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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