i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
