Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
