Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i think i have herpe
just one?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
