I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
