i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
