the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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