"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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