I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize