Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
