Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize