I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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