He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
