When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
