and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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