No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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