I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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