My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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