Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i think i just lost a toe
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
