This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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