i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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