Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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