I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
