WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
