New low: just hacked my moms facebook
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
