Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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