so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
