11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize