just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
