i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize