i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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