So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
