come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
