you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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