Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
