I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
