vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
