Im at strip club and am horny
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
