My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
