used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
