My girlfriend figured out who you are.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
