we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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