well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
only you would photoshop your dick
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
