im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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