They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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