i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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