I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
