last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
