when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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