I looked at my own cervix.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize