You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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