you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
These tits shall not be calmed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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