Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
