ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
