we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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